I first learned about habitualization from David Kessler in his book, “The End of Overeating.” I never considered that food companies were manipulating me by using taste and texture in order to motivate me to eat—and inevitably buy—more. I don’t fully understand how the brain works, even though I have read “The Addicted Brain” and have now ordered, “Capture: Unraveling the Mystery of Mental Suffering”. I find that by reading about addiction and trying to understand how the brain works, I understand my own situation more fully and am able to combat the compulsions that make up my every day existence. Food addiction is about so much more than overeating(as I have come to learn over the years). It is emotional, physical, psychological and even sometimes completely irrational. But I cannot stop pursuing information on how to conquer my body and its lusts in this stuggle to overcome my own personal Battle of the Bulge”. I find that to concede is to quit, and I’m no quitter.
The only good thing about habitualization is that it works both ways. For instance, I never crave French fries and they used to be a staple of my diet. I do, however, crave broccoli. You might read that last sentence and think I’m joking but I’m not. In fact, after I wrote that I went to the store and bought broccoli because I was out.
Yesterday I had lunch with a group of women from work and the person sitting next to me noticed that I ate the things on my plate in a specific order. In another lifetime I would have been offended by that observation(so insecure am I!) but yesterday I was only mildly amused. I explained the rationale behind my consumption.
“I always eat the vegetables first, then the protein, and then the carbs(if there are any).” She raised her eyebrows, nodded, and then continued to eat the food on her plate. (I get the raised eyebrow a lot when discussing food so I’m used to it)
Eating your vegetables first is lesson one in Healthy Eating 101. Fill your belly with low calorie, high fiber foods and you will fill up faster and consume fewer calories. The problem for a compulsive eater, however, is that gluttony tends to override the natural full impulse. Which is how I came to consume too much at lunch yesterday, and also why I continued to eat at home last night even though I was farther away from hungry than New York is from San Diego. And it’s not as simple as recreational eating or eating to console an emotion gap. Because each episode of gluttony has only one common denominator, mainly, I just eat too darn much.
So if I know my triggers(sugar or anything sweet) and I know that will-power isn’t enough to keep me from said foods, why do I still come into close proximity with them? Even worse, why can’t I just have a little taste and throw the rest away? To delve into such issues would require several hours of psychoanalysis I’m not prepared to undergo at the moment. The problem persists. I still overeat, even(and especially) when I know I shouldn’t. What interests me is that were I not a heavier-set person, no one would care. But I suppose that’s another blog post entirely.
FAT. Is there a less stigmatic three letter word in the English language?
When I grow up I won’t obsess about food any longer. I won’t dream about clouds of cotton candy or eating calorie free cake. I won’t have arguments with myself about why I shouldn’t eat birthday cake or why I should eat more fruit. I won’t lie in bed with aching joints because I’ve over-exercised my body with hopes of cancelling out excess calories. And I won’t silently sob over cookie crumbs with the immense regret only a true food-obsessed person can understand.
No one ever said living a healthy lifestyle was easy. If they did, they never knew what it was to struggle with addiction of any kind.
I have been reading with interest about the epidemic of drug overdoses in the St. Louis area due to synthetic cannabis. It almost appears as if someone is manufacturing the drug to eliminate the homeless population. Is there anything more insidious? But I would argue that the makers of Oreo cookies have the same goal in mind. They have created a product that is almost utterly irresistible. Consuming Oreo cookies, if taken to its logical conclusion, will destroy the body of the consumer—albeit more slowly than a drug like K2. And yet people continue to eat them and pretend there is no ill effect. Why?
When I was heavy I used to joke around that I knew McDonald’s food was unhealthy. But I never actually believed that was true. It tasted good so therefore it was good. As I think back about my mindset, most importantly, I realize I didn’t care if it was healthy or not. I wanted it. So I bought and consumed it. But after reading David Kessler’s book on overeating, I wouldn’t walk into a McDonald’s if someone paid me money. Not if I was starving to death. Not if it was the only food left on the planet. (Okay, maybe I would but for the sake of dramatic license just go with it) The point is greed is indiscriminate. Whether it be money or food or power or sex, greed has tentacles with particularly venomous suction cups attached that will kill us if we cave in. And so if you are not fighting against it, it is destroying you. Your body is the ship being dragged to a watery grave. And while you may “live” as a drowned person until the ripe old age of 60 or 72 or even 103, you are, in essence, dead.
I have a lot of coping mechanisms to help me deal with food addition. I specifically employ them after I have been negligent in my duties to surrender my sin(greed and gluttony) to the only wise God who is able to deliver me from them. It’s all part of the “save myself” mentality the world so readily offers as the remedy for FAT. I have been absolutely sick with myself since I started eating cookies over the weekend until I finally ran out on Sunday night. And so today at lunch I poked my head into the only book I knew would help with that. And I’ll be honest; I didn’t want to go there. I wanted the quick fix. I wanted to escape into a land of fantasy(television). I wanted to exercise the guilt away. But, when I really want to fix my disordered eating patterns, I go to the only place that tells me the truth and offers a suitable remedy…
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