My last two posts have been pretty candid about my recent struggles with eating. I feel weak and foolish–almost like I am starting over. Maybe the dear reader has felt this way sometimes too. If so, let’s pretend this blog is one big group hug!
This past Monday I tortured myself with the elliptical machine of doom and then took my son to Altitude Trampoline Park in O’Fallon, Missouri. No, I did not jump on the trampolines. I learned my lesson a few years ago when I attempted to do gymnastics and tore all kinds of things in my right hip while some self-righteous twenty-somethings smirked and giggled at me. I don’t plan to ever do that again. (Brats!) But I digress.
I signed my son up for a 90 minute session and then took my books and sat down at a park bench. My son was bouncing and laughing and generally having the time of his life when I decided to stand up to use the restroom. Unfortunately, something went very wrong in my spinal chord and I found that I could not stand up straight without excruciating pain. Worse, I could not walk either. I stood there feeling foolish while people pretended to ignore me because they didn’t want to get involved. Finally, I laid down on the bench until my son got his full 90 minutes worth of play and then a nice gentleman who worked at the park helped me to my car. I was horribly embarrassed and terrified I would never walk again. Pain is very humbling.
I went to the chiropractor and urgent care (just in case!) and went home with strict instructions to do ice packs and Epsom salt compresses 3-6 times per day. (These are very effective by the way!) I also had strict instructions to cool it on the exercise for a week or so. Even though I was experiencing incredible pain, I started to cry. The only thing keeping me from tremendous weight gain recently has been my exercise regimen.
I managed to get my hands on some comfort food candy while I was unable to move and added a few more pounds to my burgeoning belly. Go Margaret! (I just want to keep it real) But after that I put the kibosh on treats other than fruit and a few pieces of sugar free candy.
In the middle of my emotional breakdown and panic, I told a good friend that I was really struggling with a brownie craving. This dear woman managed to get her mother’s famous Black Bean Brownie recipe and texted it to me so I could have something chocolatey and not so toxic to my system. Today, I finally felt strong enough to stand at the sink to make it. I thought I’d shared it on my blog because they actually came out pretty good.
I decided to improvise the recipe and substituted sugar free chocolate from Trader Joe’s for the chocolate chips because I truly wanted the brownies to be sugar free. My husband told me they aren’t truly sugar free because of the honey and maple syrup. I was too chicken to try the second recipe she sent that used stevia, erythritol and prunes as sweetener. I have never used avocado oil before and found it at Aldi. I love it!
While I thought the brownies came out great, the real test was on my 10 year old son. I told him straight out, “You probably won’t like these.” That is my reverse psychology trick that I use more frequently than I probably should. But he liked them so much he at two and begged for more. The best news is, they are lower in carbs than regular brownies, which is a real help since he is a juvenile diabetic. Also, I loved that when I ate these brownies I was truly satisfied. Of course they have a different texture than regular brownies but they really satisfied my brownie craving. I will add these to my recipes page because I plan to make them again. Also, I want to shout out to Shelly Willman–my dear friend who gave me the original recipe.
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