I was proud of my new helmet. It had a sun visor and a face shield that shaded my eyes. I pulled on layer after of layer of “performance wear” and inserted the new heated insoles into my shoes. It was a cool 28 degrees but I was ready to burn some rubber–bicycle tire rubber that is.
I quickly discovered that two pairs of gloves wasn’t enough. I would tuck a hand in a pocket for a mile and then switch hands. The wind was against me but I pushed through. I’m very stubborn and have a head as hard as an anvil. I wasn’t going to let a little cold weather and wind stop me. Mind over the elements, I said.
About halfway through my ride I got tired. I decided to “phone a friend”. The friend talked to me for about 10 miles, until I got within a mile from my house said goodbye. The steep incline to my street makes talking prohibitive. So I hung up and “bucked up” for the final stretch of my 27 mile trek around St. Charles County.
But then my tire caught on uneven pavement and I crashed into the road–right into oncoming traffic. I smacked my face and chest and tried to get up but I couldn’t. So I skootched my butt and tried to drag my bike out of harm’s way. Several people jumped out of vehicles to help me. A woman (whose name I don’t remember) grabbed my bike and handed me a paper towel. Blood was dripping from my left eye(which later bruised nicely but was not seriously damaged due to my new helmet). A young man in a white truck stopped traffic until I was out of the way. He then took my bike and me—home.
Between cracked ribs, a sprained wrist, and miscellaneous bruises, I was pretty miserable for a few weeks. I was also thankful. It could have been so much worse. I tried not to focus on the pain and instead on recovery. Finally, a month after the accident, I climbed back on my bike and set out.
What I discovered was nerve shattering–I had completely lost my confidence. Every patch of gravel, every uneven space, every blast of wind caused me to tense up with anxiety. I cut the ride short and aimed for home–feeling certain I would fall at any moment. I put the bike away and wondered how I would ever ride again.
I have faced many dilemma’s in my efforts to live a healthy lifestyle. Refined sugars clearly affect my neural pathways and need to be avoided at all costs. I haven’t done a good job of forsaking them this winter and have gained some weight. Therefore exercise is as important as ever. I am cultivating a mindset that if I “fall off the food wagon” I have to get back on again. And thus I am taking that approach with my bike. Fall off? Get back on. Crash into traffic? Recover and re-animate! But my confidence is still affected.
Back in the saddle again!
I set out today for a 30 mile ride. I plugged into a sermon series and tried to get my “footing” on the bike. The wind was fierce at times and I stopped on the side of the road several times to take a deep breath, adjust my saddle, and wait for traffic. But I made it 29 miles! And I was super proud that I was able to climb the steep hill back to my home without walking the bike. This is more than a “fake it until you make it” philosophy. The truth is, I HAVE to face my fear and conquer it if I ever want to enjoy riding my bike again.
There are a couple other areas of my life that I need to apply this mentality. I am really struggling to trust people after being hurt. It’s so difficult to forgive and to love people who have been so unkind. But this is the path Jesus walked and so must I.
I wonder what my dear readers are struggling with these days? Whatever it is, you can conquer it with Christ’s help. Just keep getting on the bike. Just keep trying to ride. He goes before us and He will deliver us.
Thanks for sharing your growth experiences. They are inspiring and thought provoking.
I miss you, yet you continue to inspire me! Blessings to you! ☮️